Today wasn’t supposed to be A difficult day, all I had to do was not fuck shit up. OH, BUT FUCK SHIT UP I DID!!!! Picture it: me hot and snotty, hands electrified stones on fire from muscle down to bone. I am crying and shaking and it is so quiet despite central London being packed and this station full of eyes who don’t know what I’m doing.
This posts title is from a song called You by Ta’Shan. It is truly beautiful in my opinion- about not being able to save someone else. I listened to it to calm me down, and I realised no matter what the outcomes of my actions- if I cause pain or happiness regardless of intention, I CAN always help myself. We must help ourselves always.
Panic attacks really suck, but today has not been a failure. I loved myself. I sorted myself out without crying about the fact I was alone. I didn’t feel sorry for myself because, (and listen up loud and clear now) LIFE IS A GIFT SNOTTY NOSES AND ALL!!!!!!!
I can’t share one of my own poems today, (I can tommorow) so I shall share the works of one of my poetry sisters- because loving ourselves and loving each other are all so essentially and intricately linked. Please give hugs more often folks xoxoxoxox
From Eurydice, by H.D
At least I have the flowers of myself, and my thoughts, no god
can take that; I have the fervour of myself for a presence
and my own spirit for light;and my spirit with its loss
knows this; though small against the black,
small against the formless rocks, hell must break before I am lost;
before I am lost, hell must open like a red rose for the dead to pass.